I remember back at the start of 2013 taking the picture on the left. It was January, and a time for reflection. I'd felt trapped by the choices I'd made with my body, and the ongoing battle I fought internally to be okay with my physical form. I couldn't imagine wearing a bikini in public, let alone share my body so honestly with the world. I took this photo to force my hand; to force my ego to accept the challenge of change. The photo made me see my body objectively, and really felt like a turning point. I held a small belief that one day I'd share it, as a 'before' if I only ever achieved an after.
I have never been overly comfortable sharing my body with the world, or with others privately. I don't usually wear low cut tops, and only recently have started wearing tighter clothes. Yet, here I am now, publishing photos of my body, as it is, in underwear. How did I become this person who shares her body so publically?
It's been an interesting journey, one that is not yet done. But becoming a woman who shares her body online has been a surprisingly positive experience.
Firstly, I've lost a lot of my body shame. They are just bodies, and we all have one. People walk around in swimsuits, and the world doesn't change or end. Our bodies are just bodies. They don't need to hold such power over us, and nothing happened when the world had seen mine.
Secondly, I feel proud of the changes I make concerning my food choices, and exercise levels, and despite pride being frowned upon by many, we should allow ourselves to celebrate our little successes. Having photos to look bck upon force me to factually remember where I am, and where I came from. In the recent photo (first in this blog post) on the right I as actually having a 'fat' day and photos make myself rationally realise that I am not the size I was. Photos allow me to get a sense of perspective that looking down at myself does not always allow.
Third and finally, I belong to a little corner of the online-world that is friendly, supportive and kind. When I post picures of my body (changed and otherwise) people encourage and praise. It gives me more confidence and I feel part of a small movement of body positivism. We all can gain a feeling of acceptance by seeing more actual and real bodies, in all shapes and sizes. Bodies untouched by photoshop; stretched and squeezed into completely new shapes.
I feel strongly that I am allowed to like my body, but still want to (and enjoy) changing it. The fact I want to change it does not mean I hate myself, or hate anyone else's body. We all get our own bodies, and we can all create and style it however we feel best. I prefer mine colourful, stronger and smaller. I do not have to apologise for that.
As a side note, the two pictures of me in this post in colourful underwear are not my 'after' fitness pictures. They are sets of underwear I was sent for review, and as a style blogger, I guess I don't see why I shouldn't include bras and pants in my outfit pictures. I also enjoy the challenge these set me, it feels different posing in pretty underwear, as opposed to sportswear, but I like to do things that scare me, so here they are!