Having been single much more than being in a relationship in my adult life, I've heard my fair share of dating advice. The one piece of advice that I hear over and over and hate the most is to not look so hard.
There is a romantic notion that I'm more likely to find my mate if I stop looking, and stop trying so hard. As if I ooze desperation which is keeping men away at a safe distance from commitment.
I'd love to hear when else this advice would ever work. Looking for a new job? Send out fewer CVs. Need new work shoes in the sale? Don't look in as many shoe shops. Want to publish a book? Just don't write as often.
I'm a proactive person, and if I want something, I do my best to make it happen. It seems to be somewhat taboo to admit wanting a relationship, but I do, and I'm not ashamed to say so. I am happy single, I don't cry myself to sleep alone at night, nor do I think a relationship will fix me, or save me. I'm fixing and saving myself just fine. My life is full of joy just as it is.
I'm just ready. I'm ready to be part of a team of two, and looking for it just increases my chances of finding it. Yes, sometimes meeting someone happens when you don't expect it; at a party, in the bus queue or a friend of a friend. Being proactive and dating actively just increases the odds; meeting people you wouldn't ever usually meet in any other circumstance.
So, yes, I believe in looking for something if you're hoping to find it. I'm having fun along the way, and taking control of my own destiny - there's really nothing to lose!