The no. 1 thing we do wrong when dating

If you're looking for love, you're going to have to be open to the idea of dating. Of going to meet strangers to weigh up whether they're a good match for you. Putting yourself out there vulnerable to rejection. 

I've dated more than most people I know, largely using tools like online dating sites and apps. I've been on a lot of first dates, which may well say something about me! Ha!

Anyhow, I've realised the main mistake that many of us daters make, while on the search for our future team mate (I've always liked the idea of being a team, rather than looking for another half to make us whole).

We spend too much energy on working out how much they like us, rather than working out how much we like them.

We analyse what their last text means; whether they added one kiss or two, how long they take to reply, and try and decipher how much they like us. We log back in to Tinder to see when they were last online. We ponder whether when we have sex will affect how much they like us. 

We sit at home, waiting for a text or a call, some new sign that they still like us. Giving our thoughts and feelings over to someone we've only just met. 

They say that men are like buses, that they come along in threes, and oddly I think there is some truth in it. I've never been more popular/successful when dating, when I meet a few guys at the same sort of time. The epiphany here is that I was less invested in each one, and therefore more attractive/interesting without even meaning to be.

I'm not advocating playing hard to get, for the sake of being hard to get. I'm suggesting that by focusing on your own life, being busy, having interesting activities to take part in, and having plans, you become more desirable to others.

When we are busy, being ourselves, and stop focusing on whether our date likes us enough, we are less clingy, less needy for their validation, and become a more attractive proposition. 

Go on dates, be your brilliant self, and try to work on not giving so much of your emotional energy to working out whether they like you. If they like you, they'll let you know.