One of the lessons I've been learning recently (and still working on) is that we need to allow people to just show their true and authentic selves.
By this I mean we often fall into the trap of hope, excusing behaviours and waiting for change. We may wait for someone to change, or to realise the error of the ways. We may excuse their less desirable actions with, "Oh they're just shy", "They've been hurt before," etc
Actually, people usually are who they are, in that moment. They don't need your excuses, and you're usually just delaying the inevitable. If they've got to their age this way, most probably they just are who they are.