Getting Over The Ex

So, it's over. One of you have decided that the relationship must cease to exist. Perhaps the love has gone, perhaps the lust has gone, or one of you has done something unforgivable. Regardless of the reason, statistically speaking most of our relationships will end at some point. How do we get over them?

I may have tried all of these, or none of these in my lifetime so far.

1) Get drunk. The success of this strategy really depends on the sort of drunk you are. Do you usually feel happy and loved up as a drunk, or does it enduce the tears accompanied with your best break up song? It may also depend how you drink - do you chose to stay in alone (rarely a good idea) or are you out with your mates rocking the karaoke bar (I will survive......nah nah nah nah...)

2) Get back on the bike...aka....shag about a bit. It can feel lonely when you are first single. You miss the physical contact and the affection. Your self esteem may have taken a knock (is it because I am old/fat/ugly). Having someone else tell you you're gorgeous can help in the moment, but not always in the long term. Now, having sex with someone else can work...sometimes. It can reassure you that you will find other people who fancy you; that you aren't repulsive. It can give you some sense of power back. However, it can also enhance the sense of loneliness, remind you of the emptiness of emotion-less sex. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you're safe (in the personal safety sense of the word as well as pregnancy/STD sense).

3) Reconnect with friends. Often when we are loved up, our friends have to take the backseat for a while. There simply aren't enough days in the week to see everyone equally. Use this time to call on those that love you. Try not to talk about the break up too much, and focus on catching up with what you may have missed in their lives. If you feel like you have drifted from your friends, how about using all of this newly free time to make yourself new ones?

4) Get fit. Exercise makes you feel happier. Fact. It distracts you from what's on your mind. It gives you a great sense of personal achievement. It can help you meet new people. It can repair any damage done to your self esteem after the break up.

5) Remember that hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. It may take a long time to get there, but acknowledge that it is your goal to feel true indifference. If you focus too much on hate you only damage yourself.

6) Try and be grateful. Breaking up  means you are not wasting anymore time with the wrong person. This increases your chance of being able to meet the right person.

7) I am a big advocate for no contact for the first stages of a break up. Don't try and be friends yet. Don't call each other. Don't use each other as an emotional crutch (or a sexual one). You need time to grieve the ending of the relationship, and to find yourself again (apologies for the cheesy phrase). You may well be able to friends after a while, if that is what you both want, but actually you may find it is better to simply close that chapter and start new ones.

8) Don't panic. I often hear people panic about having a child, being too old to find another partner to marry or simply panic about being a single person. Trust that no matter how bad it feels, how dark it seems, it will get better. Everyone experiences break ups, and 99.9% of people move on from them to find something better. You will be happy again, I promise.

9) Enjoy doing things you couldn't do so much as a couple. Watch the TV you want, the food you want, the music you want etc. No more compromising for you! Be selfish for a bit. Enjoy only thinking about yourself.

10) Allow yourself time to feel sad, but also acknowledge that you need to break out of that, and allow yourself to feel happy. You are still you. The same person as you were before you met your partner, and the person you will be after your partner.