I'm mad but not at him. Actually maybe a bit at him. I don't blame him though. But I'm mad at him. Yeah, that's it. I'm also a bit mad at myself. I don't blame myself either though. Life is messy. Life isn't predictable. I don't want him back, now that I understand he can't be who I'd hoped he'd be. But I want 'it', I want 'it' back. Despite missing him as a person, I don't want to be friends. All of these feelings are okay. They don't mean I'm not over him. They don't mean I'm not ready for my next chapter. They just mean that this chapter stung. And all of that is ok.
I'm living my life. But change takes time sometimes. Keep moving forward. Enjoy all the things you couldn't.
I'm looking forward to the Christmas season to be over though. It feels weird, where my life was and where it is now. I think I'll feel lonely remembering it. But I'm all signed up to volunteer and got plans with my family....so it'll all be golden right?