Rockalily Style -My mid life crisis (craving the mainstream)


I feel like I'm surfing the waves of a style crisis. Perhaps crisis is slight hyperbole, but considering my style forms quite a lot about what I think and write about, it does feel rather unnerving.

I crave my brunette hair back, yet I know the blue has become my trademark colour. I often yearn to look more 'regular', and have been toying with getting more standard frames for my glasses. Who am I becoming?!

Is this my mid life crisis? Wanting to look more mainstream? Perhaps so.

My plan is to create a pinterest board of some kick arse women whose style makes me want to be them, and work on understanding what I'm being drawn to now. I like plans.



Living in an East London bubble - the rudeness of the internet

I feel pretty lucky, I tend to find myself in a lovely corner of the internet. When people complain that their facebook stream is full of awful and ugly things, I'm hidden away in my fluffy online world of support, strength and laughter.

Tonight I was reminded a little how blunt and rude people can become behind the safety of their screens. Or are these people this thoughtless in real life too?

A salon supply company found and used an old colour change photo (above) from Rockalily on their facebook page. The theory behind their page is that professionals can share/inspire/challenge each other and swap ideas and knowledge. 

These are some of the comments the picture received (I know I shouldn't feed the trolls but I couldn't help it!)

" I'd never let that leave my salon. Its awful."


"Don't like it horrible and will probably be faded within 2 weeks"

"Eeeeeuw..not keen on this ..sorry"


"That is utterly disgusting"

"Its not wearable, it looks wishy washy....Darling, it isn't wearable, you'd straight away be limited to what colour make up you can wear and clothes come to think of it."

I should have probably stayed away completely, but I felt that the ignorance and rudeness displayed wasn't just towards the colour change, but to people who perhaps embrace a different sense of style. I forgot how ugly and odd these types of hair colours are to some people, perhaps I'm protected by the East London bubble. It sometimes feels more unusual to see standard hair colours, rather than a crazy fashion colour. My mother always jokes that she knows she's nearly at the salon when the whole tube train is full of tattooed people, and she feels the odd one out!

Now of course, the picture received positive comments too, but this blogpost isn't about the colour change, nor is it about whether the client loved it (which she did). It's about how the internet creates a sense of entitlement to share an opinion. I'd guess an opinion that if we were sat in an actual room, they'd politely keep to themselves, or phrase in a constructive manner. 

It reminds me of the infamous Milgram social experiment from the 60s, where people were asked to administer pain to a stranger in another room. If the 'victim' was not visible to the test subject they were willing to administer a larger voltage (more pain) compared to when the 'victim' was visible (or even just audible). Out of sight, out of mind seems to be the same principle at work when people lose their manners online too.

Perhaps more people need to be reminded that if they have nothing nice or useful to say, they should sometimes just choose to say nothing at all. The world would be a friendlier place, that's for sure.


We can only change ourselves so why do we try and change others?

I sometimes believe something but struggle to articulate it, and last night I just a little epiphany sorting some of my jumbled thoughts out. One of the concepts that has changed how happy I feel now, compared to before, is summed up by the following idea:

We can't change anyone but ourselves.

We often waste a lot of energy waiting for people to change, or behave in a way that would make us happy. 

"Oh I just want them to say thank you more"

"I only need them to clean up after themselves"

"If they're late all the time, I can't be important enough to them"

"I keep telling them, but they don't listen, and then complain I'm nagging"

"It should be easy....I only want them to...."

We postpone our feelings of happiness, waiting and expecting others to change their behaviours, yet usually they do not. 

We are only able to change our response to these people, and change our explanations and reactions to their behaviours. 

When I was a teacher, you quickly learnt that by giving attention to unwanted behaviours never lessened them. Shouting or nagging for children to behave doesn't work. The main switch for a successful teacher to make, is to ignore the unwanted behaviours, and focus instead on the wanted ones. It's actually pretty similar to dog training!

Catch the good. Whatever we attend to, we see more of. This feeds into another one of my favourite mantras; what we see is what we find.

If we want a different outcome, we need to do something differently. Letting go of the idea that we can control another person is pretty freeing. We do not carry the weight of saving someone, we are not responsible for changing someone's bad habits. We have the power to change ourselves, and that change ripples out, making waves in the rest of our lives too.


Rockalily Style - Bad to the bone

Bad to bone apparently. Ha ha, hardly! But I can pretend to be tough and rock n roll for a day can't I?



I'm not pretty and that's ok

I've always known I'm not pretty. I've struggled with it and fought against it, but actually I'm rather accepting of it now. Is that what it means to be in your 30s?

We are not all pretty and that is ok. We do not need to be pretty to have fun, to find love, to be healthy, to laugh and live whatever life we choose. Great sex is not reserved for pretty people, nor is making out with hot people. 

Look around a public place, honestly most people are many fabulous things, but not always pretty. We may be bold, bright, sexy, confident, classy, chic, alternative etc. We may be attractive in so many ways that aren't neccesarily pretty, but still pretty awesome.

This isn't to say I don't feel pretty a lot of the time. I adore painting my face with make-up, I don't view it as masking myself, just enhancing and getting creative with my own image. I feel pretty with nice hair and a great outfit too. Sometimes, I catch myself feeling pretty with no make up on too, perhaps laying in bed, pretty radiating in my happiness. I feel pretty when I smile too.

But I'm not pretty, and that's ok. I'm not many things. I'm not tall, young, athletic or blessed with prominent cheekbones. I'm scared of heights, not great at meeting new people, and seem incapable of being clean and tidy. I'm not artistic, I can't make things. I lack patience. 

I am, however, many brilliant things. I'm not pretty but I embrace my own sense of self and style. I'm creative with the image I create. I'm good at learning as well as teaching, and great at finding the hidden joys. I bounce back, and see the bright side in the darkness. I believe in myself and my ability to choose my own path. I have a good 'eye' and am insatiably curious about the world. I'm dependable and very rarely late. 

What I've learnt is that we have to let go of what we will never be. To work on what really matters, and what we have control over. We can work on being kinder,more understanding, more confident. We can become more stylish if we want to. If we are good and decent people, we all deserve love, and are capable of it. We don't need to be pretty to have someone want to tear our clothes off and ravish us. We are enough. Just as we are.


Lammily - a feminist barbie with stretch marks?

Lammily is a new 'real barbie' based on the average mesaurements of a 19 year old. You can even buy a patch kit, with stretch marks, spots, scars and tattoos!

She's bendy so she can be active, and wears minimal make up as standard.

The crowdfunding happened earlier in the year, and over 19,000 dolls were preordered. They are due to be shipped in the next fortnight. 

I was having a browse the website tonight, but then it crashed due to an 'overwhelming response' so do try and check it out another time!

I'm not anti-Barbie, but I believe we need the power of diversity. I hear a lot of voices that say that dolls don't matter; that Barbie's waist measurements have no bearing on how children grow into adults. However we are all moulded by each and everything thing that we see, over and over as we grow. Children are sold many stories about their worlds; that girls like certain toys and colours, that fathers behave in certain ways etc. Barbie plays a pretty unrivialed position within this childhood narrative.

I adore the idea of Lammily dolls, and I hope they're a huge hit. I'd love to see other ones made too, different nationalities for example. Children crave to see themselves and their own world within their play. Perhaps Lammily can help make their experience of dolls a little more rounded and enriched.


Rockalily Style - Decluttering and Selling Cheap


If you follow me over on instagram you may have seen me decluttering. Its been a slow process, reading books, blogs and dealing with my own emotional connections to objects and stuff.

I've blogged a bit about it before:

Decluttering my vintage wardrobe

Just let it go....I should just let it go.

Last night I had my biggest break through ever. I bagged up more clothes and shoes than ever before. They are items that I felt unable to just give to a charity shop, but that I can't be bothered trying to ebay. I've decided to sell them off cheap, at the salon next weekend. Prices are mainly £1-£4 each, with dresses, hats, books, bags and tops. I just want them all gone, but gone to good homes!

I bought myself this checked shirt yesterday, in exchange for giving up two I don't really like 'enough'. A red one, as I don't like red with my blue hair, and a blue one which is too long. Fair exchange!